Is being FAT really the end of the world?

If you are like me, then you spend a bit of time checking out facebook....I can lose hours looking at minion memes, and the now new....well new to me.......Pinterest. (Like I needed another distraction in my life!)

Daily I am bombarded with health news, diet shakes, recipes, exercise tips, and images of young well shaped, lovely slim bodied women. They look amazing, the food looks delicious, and I resolved to give myself yet another kick in the pants to up the anti....do some tummy crunches, go for that walk, make up a health green juice.....

........but at the end of a long day at work.....and coming home after doing the shopping, finding that the dishes have been left there convinitately for you to do......news that the eldest child going out with girlfriends......and hubby has been called into work..... (There goes the back up help)......and so you get dinner, while doing two loads of laundry.....vacuum the carpet.....(because your best friend is popping in for a visit tomorrow, and you really can't handle the food crumbs the kids left you a day longer).......and your body is tired and suddenly feeling 20 years older than it is......and it is a hot 35 degrees outside.....even the cat won't move.......forgive me if I don't feel like jumping for joy if Miss Celebrity X lost 20kgs, do you want to know how she did it??? NO, actually I could give a rats #%*@!!!

 All I really want is a nice cool drink, to get off my aching feet and have a nap! Yeah right........back to real world.......... (MUM, MUM I'M HUNGRY......IT'S MY TURN TO WATCH TV........)

The truth is we can get so bogged down by societies expectations that we suddenly start to define ourselves, our self worth even, by that standard......

All of a sudden you are not a good wife, mother, sister, friend, member of the world.......you are just a FAT LADY. That's it, nothing more....just FAT!


Well I'd like to remind you all , along with myself, that the FAT, is not what defines us. It is just the shell....just the cover.....and we never judge a book by it's cover......... NO WE DON'T!!!!!

We women are the worst at self acceptance.....but the other day I was listening to my daughter complaining about how she is made to feel guilty that she is slim by other women/girls. As I listened I was stunned at how hurt she was. Just because she is naturally slim, and over the past 12 months has become allergic to most foods, due to a latex allergy, she has slimmed down a little more, and is now looking utterly amazing without trying too......This has put some people out a bit.....the green eyed monster of girlfriends has popped out, with off the cuff remarks like 'She is only skinny because she doesn't eat anything'  .....well she does......she eats a lot......just can't eat most the things when she is out......or most things other people eat........so she eats at home....or takes her own food......she can eat sweets, and chocolates....so that can really piss a FAT GIRL ON A DIET OFF......but she works with children and runs around all day after them, walks a few kms a day to work and back, (because she can't drive), therefore burns those calories right off..............

She has never put down her friends for their weight......after living with a mother with PCOS, and knowing how hard it is for me to shed even a kilo, despite watching how careful I can be with my food....she understands that sometimes it isn't only about the food we eat...... It really hurt her........she wanted to buy new bathers, but her 'fuller framed' friends didn't want to go with her because they didn't want her showing off her good body at them.......the shame was their's......they didn't want to compare their bodies with hers......they felt less......and so they made her feel less..................... SAD! But a good reality check .....it is not just FAT people who get picked on or judged........So let's please just focus on the person!

Do I envy youth, and women who take good care of themselves......yes, but I also appauld them.......If you are willing to take the time and workout, eat well, to stay looking hot......YOU GO GIRL! I know you are not doing that to ruin my day.............

I was young and fit and healthy once too..........................don't believe me................check this out..........................

I was 18 in this picture...........it was taken the day my hubby proposed.

Today.................28 years....3 kids.......back accident.....a lot of life stress and shit.....and PCOS...... later....... I now look like this.............

I am double of my 18 year old self.......or there is just more of me to love??? LOL 

It wasn't until after I had my first child that the weight started creeping on...... very slowly..............

Hubby went temporarily blind when she was 6 weeks old, and I suffered from Post Natal Depression.......I was caring for an abusive mother......a blind depressed hubby.....and a new baby with colic.........Not my fondest year....................

The stress, the lack of sleep, going back to work too early, the eating out of comfort, whatever was easy......quick....just getting through each day......it started to transform me........

Guilt about how I was feeling, just fed the monster, I hated myself.....and I started on this merry-go-round called life...........

We moved across the state to start again, away from the crazy.....and life was better, but money has always been an issue since.......

It's only been the last two years that I have started to really understand what the last 21 years have done to my body....what I have done......and what I now understand was not all because I had the occasional cheese burger at Mc Donalds....... 

So,I am fat..........does that stop me from having good friends?
Does it stop me from loving my hubby or him loving me?
Does it make me any different as a parent?
Do I love my kids less, or perform less at my job?

NO! 

I am still me..............I still feel the same, think the same, love the same, care the same, laugh the same, scream and cry the same......but I do not hate myself the same............

In fact, I love myself more now that I did when I was 18 and hot! Back then I was too young to appreciate how good I looked. In fact would you believe I use to cover up because I thought I was FAT! Seriously...........If I could have that body now I would so beaching it in a bikini...........such a silly girl......................but that stems from a child abuse issues, and a mother who always told me how ugly and unlovable I was...........not a story I care to go into now......

Everything, apart from the extra Criss I am carrying, is better now.....

If you lose the shame about the FAT, and accept that you are dealing with an illness, an illness you now have tools to manage, and fight back....you can be open to LIFE.......honestly I kid you not...........really, I wouldn't lie to you............I don't lie.............so accept what I say for it is my truth......................

I am HAPPY now......I am so grateful for the life I have been given.........I have a great job , where I matter to people..........I have the best hubby on the planet..............and 3 beautiful kids , which I supposedly couldn't have.............and I get PERIODS...........and as a bonus to my new found love and acceptance of myself......I now can really relax and enjoy sex....................which is even better than it was when I was 20 and hot looking! I can let the concerns of how I look go, and that frees my mind to stay in the moment, in the now, and when I go off, I go off like never before, and it is FABULOUS! Sex/Awesome Orgasams is great for  making your skin glow too...........BONUS!

I understand myself more.......I respect myself, and eat right.....and slowly I am turning this thing around...............

Will I ever be as slim as I was when I was 18? Probably not.........but as long as I feel healthy...........I eat healthy..............I teach my kids to be healthy............and I forget the FAT, and focus on the ME, the woman, the person, it really isn't the end of the world......

Be grateful for what you have..............keep moving forward in a positive direction.............there are no rules or deadlines for the destination...........just enjoy the ride as best you can...............

Till next time.................STAY HAPPY! 

Welcome 2015

Hello, and welcome to a new year.

I haven't been too chatty lately, times sand seems to be falling through that hour glass a little too quickly.

I won't lie, the last few months have been a  little A LOT stressful, and hard going, but I feel that the top of the hill is in sight now.

Hubby's job was on the rocks, he barely got any work over the Christmas break. Which meant money was tight, super tight. Perfect timing with Christmas presents needed, and the upcoming busy January filled with 1 Anniversary, 2  birthdays, 1 rent increase, and a bonus guess what you are paying for 100% of the water bills now thanks very much, and the back to school parlava. 

It didn't help that I did my back a little again. Yeah me! Not super bad, but enough to put me out for two weeks.  So that , on top of hubby, and Christmas trading, and all that joy of retail , and not so happy customers, I decided the best thing to do was to take a time out.

I discovered that I hadn't had any annual leave in two years, so I asked for 4 weeks in January. Partly just to get out of such a negative space, and partly to get out of their way as another lady I work with was now unable to work in her department , which meant  we both had to work the same job. There was no room for two. So they were happy to give me my holidays, in fact they forced me to take an extra week.

Wonderful I hear you say, but it wasn't, our cat ended up dislocating his back paw toe, and despite the vets best efforts, he had to remove the digit completely. Our poor kitty was very grumpy, and sick for a full three and half weeks! Well you would be grumpy too if you woke up without a toe and no balls! $960 later, we have a healthy kitty. However the event didn't help put me in a relaxed holiday mood. Thankfully our daughter was on hand to help out on the vet bills, and some Christmas presents too....without which we would have had a glum Christmas day, and a dead cat. Yeah for working children!

To top it off when I got back to work, rosters needed changing, AGAIN, the lady in question was no better, so we can't work the same hours, and I was being pushed to work nights, which would mean my hubby couldn't work those nights, which meant even less money......my credit card was getting a right flogging.... STRESS..... STRESS...... SLEEPLESS NIGHTS......

Long story short, it got a bit ugly, the union was called, but in the end it took a sit down meeting with the store manager and my boss, and my self, and a 45 min honest discussion about what this means to my family. A lot things came out of that meeting, and to just stay on the positive, I managed to secure a permanent part time contract for hubby. So now we will know exactly how much money we will have, and he will always have work. It also means that next year we can have a holiday together, paid. Something we have not had for a VERY LONG TIME.

Sometimes you just have to hold your head up, and be brutally honest. There is no shame in TRUTH.

It's OKAY to say NO.

So here I am at the end of all that. It has only taken 6 months!


Staying focused on the positive side of my holiday break, it was lovely to just get up when I wanted, and go to bed as I pleased. The freedom of school runs, and homework, and work was just lovely. I stayed up till 3-4 am, and read 5 novels. We had PJ's days, and just did not much as we were stuck at home. The cat is now more friendly and actually wants to be around us, not just for food, and I managed to lose 3.5 kilos, without trying. BONUS!

Mind you the stress of the past few weeks back at work has helped me pop those babies right back on! Which just proves that STRESS and lack of SLEEP, makes you FAT!

But life always has a habit of giving you a little shake every now and then. Makes to take stock, rocks you, makes you feel uncomfortable and forces you to make a stand, and make a change.


So here I am, my kids have all gone back to school, hubby starts his new contract next week, as do I.........that makes 4 roster changes since August 2014. So once we have adjusted to the new routine, I think things will start to improve.

I did away with the New Year Resolutions this year.....they never go as planned anyway.....

I am taking this year day by day.....

The only promise I am making to myself is to be true and honest, and not to take shit. Listen to my gut. Ask for help when I need it.

I go around like I have to be some kind of super woman. I don't. I am human. I can spaz out like everyone else on occasion, that is OKAY.

I have my periods on track, not something I especially am thrilled about, but for a person with PCOS , that is  a big deal. It means that something I am doing diet wise, life wise, is in the right track. Now I just need some peace in my life, so that I can keep going, and hopefully the weight side of things will follow as well.

I am FAT, but I am LOVED. To me that is a blessing. To be skinny doesn't mean I will be any happier. Life would still throw me curve balls. I would love to have my 18 year old body again.....who wouldn't, but as there is no time machine, and even if there was I wouldn't have the $$$ to ride it......I am here......middle aged, and surrounded by a beautiful loving family. I can't put a skinny price on that!

So heres to a new chapter........Welcome to 2015.......My wish for you all and for myself, and for this planet is summed up like this......

May 2015 be filled with laughter, love, security............and may all the wars and bullshit come to an end. May toxic food be removed, and health be in abundance.  May everyone find their happy place. May we all learn to love each other, and most of all be loving to ourselves. For it all starts with you.